Terror

I am simply blown away. More accurately I am blown home. The concept of meeting terror with radical gratitude is a magic bullet for me. How precious. I have no idea why panic had re-emerged in my life (after a 5-6 year hiatus) but last night as I was falling asleep it was there again with a vengeance. About five minutes after falling asleep I woke with pounding heart and met the process with gratitude. The panic was instantly replaced by joy: total confidence builder. I drifted off to sleep without fear. Round two (probably 15 minutes later) was much, much more intense... it got away from me. In the midst of full-blown terror I grabbed a hold of the concept of gratitude; it was like trying to grab a cord attached to a sail in a high wind. At first I couldn't discern whether I had it because the noise of the wind, the flapping of the sail and the pounding of my heart were deafening. The terror began to subside.

Looking back I clearly feel the essence of what gratitude offered me... presence, Gratitude grounded me in the experience. I remember it all, the texture of my pounding heart, the intensity of the storm. This morning I have a vision of my situation last night: I was on a sailboat in high seas. The environment was raging and for the first time all the pieces were there to handle my situation.

The storm continued all night, I would wake and tend to the necessities of being afloat on high seas and drift easily back into sleep. Today I am rested and empowered - I am seasoned.